...

Feb. 7th, 2010 11:33 am
satsu: (Ouran Kouku - Haruhi)

I'm sick. And pissed. And bored out of my mind.
I can't sleep, I can't eat without making it worse, my mother is in pain and I can't stand that, my brother is never around, my father cares, but is too lazy to actually do something about it.
And my supposedly friends, who are very well aware of all of that above, still whine and cry to me about the dumbest shit EVER and actually expect me to cheer them up and complain that I'm not willing to listen and I don't give constructive criticism like before.
Even more, they question my choice of career because of that.

...Well, FUCK.
Apparently, I'm not entitled to my own pain.
You don't see me crying about every fucking thing, but guess what? I do hurt, too.

The only reason I'm still inside this house is because I don't want to leave my mother alone.

I NEED something to get my mind out of things.





Feel free to ignore. Just venting out.
satsu: (Kimi ni Todoke - Sawako)
Pff, a century without posting... But it's kinda early right now and I don't want to wake up anyone in a sunday morning to cry and squee.

My mom went to the hospital on thursday to undergo a serious surgery on her back. Her lumbar vertebrae had close to no cartilage between them, for months she had been walking around in pain from having friction between her bones.
The surgery was supposed to have lasted 2 hours, instead, it lasted 4 and a half. I was only able to see her that night, when the nurse was giving her the pain medicine and pushed them way too fast, only to hear me bitching about for several minutes before my mom's pressure dropped low and she began sweating cold and lost all color to her face. Needless to say that I made a ruckus. I know I have a limited knowledge on such things, but you can't push intravenous medication THAT fast, you just can't. Not on MY mother you can't. And on anyone else's for that matter...
Knowing that she'd be getting the same medication only at the times I wouldn't be around her, I couldn't get myself to sleep through the nights and spent these last couple of days bouncing between home and the hospital.

But a few minutes ago, someone was frantically ringing the doorbell. I ran to see who it was and saw her there, standing and walking on her own.
I feel like crying (which I can't because I hate crying and she'd just make fun of me xD saying she's okay). I feel like pouncing her to the ground and hugging her (which I also can't, for obvious reasons). So I'll just settle on smiling as she fake dictates us on how to correctly arrange the flowers she got on her table...

So yeah... Mama is fine and I'm happy. : D

Kay, shutting up now. xD
satsu: (Ouran Kouku - Haruhi)
Insomnia. is. a bitch.

It's been five days... Five friggin' days since I last slept through the night. In 120 hours I slept for 14 hours at most. Not to mention that I was wide awake throughout the first 48. So you can probably guess how I'm feeling... Like crap =D wheeee~
My whole body is sore, I'm tired as hell, any and everything has the potential to piss me off and yet I still lie awake at nights, rolling from one side to the other.
I'm seriously considering asking my father for one of his sleeping pills.
I tried doing something with that time, but I can't seem to write anything while in this sleep deprived state, so I doodled my way out of the boredom.

doodles )
satsu: (Chink <3)
Yah... So I was bored out of my mind at friggin' 5 AM, staring at the ceiling. I remained there up until 6 when my mom's alarm went off. She walked by my room at some point and saw the state I was and kindly told me to get off my lazy ass if I was awake and go do something productive out of my life find something to do.
I asked her "Liek whut?"
Her, being the creative person she is, told me to go take some pictures and show it to her later on (She's also a photographer).
It was a good idea, actually (I had already taken some of the sky in pretty pastel colors <3), so I packed a few things, called a friend and we went walking around randomly and taking pictures =)


Oh, the things boredom makes me do... )

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