Author:
![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
satsu_basu Characters: Kira Izuru, Ichimaru Gin, Matsumoto Rangiku
Rating: G
Genre: Angsty
Spoilers: Chapter 168 and forward.
Disclaimer: Sadly, not mine. Bleach and all its characters are copyrighted to Kubo Tite.
Word Count: 1.552
Summary: Insight on Kira's feelings after the End of Hypnosis.
Note: Written in the spur of a moment during a cold morning. First time posting a fic of mine here @lj and first time writing about Izuru-chan~ Hopefully it won't be the last.
--
Zuru zuru.
Kira came back to the quarters of the Third Division after dealing with a hollow outburst on the last districts of Rukongai.
Pulling Wabisuke by the sheath, he entered the office and placed the sword on top of the Vice-captain's desk, glancing at it for a couple of seconds before walking further into the room.
After taking his seat, a small sigh escaped his lips.
He now looked down at the desk he used to look up to.
The endless stream of paperwork, the burden of being in charge of everything, the pressure placed upon him did not bother him in the least.
But sitting on the very chair he used to lean back on, working on the desk where he used to put his feet up, and being constantly compared to him, only reminded Izuru that he wasn't there anymore.
And while everyone seemed to be glad he was gone, his absence left an unbearable hollowness inside him.
He pulled the first drawer open and took a single sheet of paper from it, placing it gently on top of the other documents, much like he did everyday at some point.
A small sigh escaped his lips as he gazed upon the kanji beautifully written on the middle of the page.
Solitude.
He had picked up that same sheet on the very first time he sat on his former captain's chair. It was the first word he wrote as the Third Division's temporary Captain.
Kira was a man of few words. That's why Haiku fit him so much, the ability to express everything in the narrow space of fourteen syllables.
And when he found himself troubled by his own feelings, he would write them down. They somehow became more real, after being carved with black strokes in white paper.
It was easier for him to understand his emotions when reading them, and most of the times, he would single-handedly overcome them.
But this time...
After being abandoned by the man he had deposited all his effort, all his trust, all of himself.
He could barely think about it, let alone write.
For several days, Izuru stared at the kanji, how it stood out in the whiteness of the paper, alone, left out.
He desperately wanted to finish writing the small poem, or anything, really, if just to make it so that single word didn't depict exactly how he felt inside that room. But he couldn't.
Whenever he lifted the brush to do so, his lack of words for his own painful emotions would make his hand tremble, much like it did when he fought Hinamori-kun.
And his solitude would stare at him, inside that cold, empty room.
Zuru zuru.
It hurt, to see how much he missed that man.
His grinning façade, his distinctive accent, his way of nearly singing the word at the end of each sentence – like whenever he said 'Izuru~' – and his complete unawareness of personal space...
With a shaky sigh, Kira hid his face in his palms and took a deep breath before standing up and walking to the door that led to the inside garden, sliding it half open to see the trees that the former Captain so carefully tended to, himself.
They were bearing fruits. Had it been that long already..?
The smell of persimmons.
It tightened his heart.
He still hated the taste, but the smell was too nostalgic, too painful. Because the very last time he had picked it up, was on his breath...
Izuru stepped down from the porch and sat by a small bench under the shade of the trees.
His mind drifted and he thought of Matsumoto Rangiku and their last encounter.
There were no hard feelings between them. They were simply doing their jobs to protect their Captains. It was better to leave it at that, any deeper and they wouldn't be able to retie the bonds of their friendship.
They went out drinking a lot, especially after the unspeakable event.
And it was on one of those drunken nights that the beautiful woman suddenly put down the bottle of sake, her cheeks flushed from the alcohol and a sad shine to her eyes.
Her heat was as heavy as his, he thought, because out of nowhere, she told him what had happened on that day. How she had placed her sword against his throat, how she had held his wrist. How he whispered a last word of apology...
To her.
Izuru stood up in silence and left the bar. He hadn't been able to face her ever since.
At first, the sympathetic look across her eyes was soothing, to find someone else who'd miss the mysterious Captain, too. But after hearing what happened, he couldn't bear to see such feelings in her.
She didn't understand. Not at all.
She wasn't abandoned like he had been.
She knew him.
She knew him better than Izuru could ever wish to.
She knew him to the point of expecting him to leave without saying a word. Much like he had done to her so many times before.
And yet, in his own way, he said goodbye.
To her.
Aizen's words were truthful ones. Even if they weren't directed at him, even if he never actually listened to them, in his heart, he knew they spoke the truth.
"Admiration is the furthest emotion from understanding."
Rangiku did not admire him.
Izuru did. Almost as if his life depended on it.
And somehow... It did.
If only he had won against her, if only he had been stronger...
Maybe he would have been the one to hold his wrist. Maybe he would be the one to hear an apology.
A sad smile fleeted through his lips.
No. He wouldn't.
Izuru might not understand him, but he knew a bit about how the man's complex mind worked.
He enjoyed watching people. He was delighted by the fact that he could cause such discomfort in them and would never tire of analyzing their reactions to his cunning words and mysterious grins.
He never inserted himself in any stereotypes or groups, not even in the 'genius' category, to which he clearly belonged to.
Maybe he thought of himself merely as an outside observer.
Not a God – that was Aizen's position.
Perhaps a Shinigami – among other shinigamis.
Kira had come to the conclusion that his mind was very much like a Shougi board.
And while Rangiku was his Gold General, able to move forward freely, Izuru was merely one of his pawns, having his options narrowed to the single path the sly former Captain wanted him to take.
It's not like he didn't know that the man was incredibly manipulative and extremely possessive.
As long as Izuru remained loyal, he would keep feeding his hopes, giving what the boy wanted in precise amounts. As much as it took to satisfy but just enough to make sure that he would come back for more.
He was well aware that he was playing by the man's rules. And he was happy.
Was...
Zuru zuru.
He had been discarded. And now, he dragged his sword with his own head gently bowed down, not in apology, but in silent suffering.
The Silver path he had sworn to follow...
It had faded before his eyes, ever so gently.
Ever so painfully.
Kira lifted his chin, leaning his head against the hard trunk, his eyes burned lightly as he looked up at the orange fruits.
He could notice a few ready to harvest. He had learned how to tend to the trees, how to pick the fruits and how to dry them from watching his former Captain.
And even though the sickening sweet scent made him nauseous, Izuru would still help him, because when he was enjoying his dried persimmons, the grin plastered across his thin lips wouldn't seem so mysterious...
There would be a ghostly hint of truthfulness in them.
Eventually, Izuru grew used to the smell, but he had always thought it was way too sweet.
So sweet that it became bitter to him.
Bitter...
He stood up abruptly and went back to the office, not bothering to close the door as he sat down by the Captain's desk, taking the brush and wetting it with the black ink.
With his other hand, he held the paper as he drew each stroke with utmost care.
And after he pulled the tip of the brush away from the paper on the last ideogram, Izuru let go of a breath he didn't realize he was holding.
His eyes darted through the small poem. And he realized exactly how wide the narrow space of fourteen syllables could be.
The ends of his mouth curved upwards the slightest bit and he put the brush away, standing up and walking towards the door.
On his way, he glanced at Wabisuke, resting atop of the Vice-captain's desk.
Zuru zuru...
He deliberately left it there and made his way towards the Tenth Division. He wouldn't drag his sword anymore, at least not for this.
A cold, autumn breeze blew into the room and the single sheet of paper flew, wavering softly with the wind until landing by the other desk, right under his zanpaku-to.
--
Bitter Solitude
So much like dried persimmons
I passionately hate it
--
Writer's note: "Zuru zuru" would be the sound of dragging a sword, which I learned from one of Tifa's lines in FFVIIAC. Also, I like the sound of Izuru-chan's name specially because of the 'zuru'. =3
I initially wanted to make the explanation of how Gin's mind worked with Chess, so Rangiku would be his 'Queen', but Shogi fit better with the Feudal Japan thingie Soul Society has going on.
Anyways, I really liked writing this, hopefully Izuru-chan's fans will enjoy reading it. ^^
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 02:07 am (UTC)From:LOL, I totally said that to my friend, too XDD We squealed over it for a few minutes.
Ken-chan is HARD to draw D: No frigging eyebrows u__u I'm gonna keep trying until I can actually make that sexy smirk of his *drools at the thought*
Oh, you just need to give me a nudge when you're free. ^^
Good luck with your exams! =O
Yepz! =) I'm like, all "WTF Kubo! Stop dismembering our beloved characters! D<"
no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 02:23 am (UTC)From:Haha yay! I'm not the only one! :D It's so sad that he died. *mopes*
I imagine he would be! He's... not as smooth as some of the other characters. If that makes sense at all. XD
Yup yup. On the nudging possibilities and the fact that we seem to have a lot to talk about, I spot your IMs on your profile so I'm totally going to add you. <3
Thank you! I'm gonna need it! :D
I know, seriously! He must have a grudge against the 10th division or something! Haha. I'd go babble on about my thoughts of the latest chapters, but I make like three posts a week on my journal about that XD so you can just wander over and see if you want. Let's just say I'm very excited about Shunsui and Stark's fight.
I KNOW! Do you love Stark-san too?
no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 04:59 am (UTC)From:Yeeeeah! D: He was such an eye-candy... And his voice was eargasmic XD Funny to think it was Sentarou's Seiyuu. He's a General in our AU, too 8D Not on the same kingdom, though. I have to draw him, sometime... *swoons*
Oh, yeah, it does XD No worries.
Yeeey! =D Feel free to! I use msn waaaay more than the others. That e-mail I sent you is the one I currently use, though you can see me online on this one, too: satsu_basu@hotmail.com
Let me know how you did laterz :D
It seems like it! D: Both captain and vice-captain were totally sad and screwed after Aizen's betrayal and it all went downhill from there! To the point where Ran-chan got half her ribcage clawed out and Shiro-chan was cut in 1/3 - 2/3 DDDD: Damn you, Kubo... *curses*
ORLY? Don't mind if I do XD *will be spamming*
Oh! Oh! I'm dying to see that fight!
AND OH MY FRIGGIN GOD YEEEEES!!!!
STAAAARK = <3333
OMG, you're my soulmate! 83 *hugsies* <333
no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 10:19 am (UTC)From:Ehehe, he's a general too? Awesome! How many other characters are present in the AU?
You know, now I have all kinds of plotbunnies about medieval type AUs wandering around in my head. XD This is all your fault! *pokes*
Aww, I use msn less than yahoo or AIM. But I do use it.
Hehe thanks. I have a really hard one today... T_T
I know! The muses for 10 division must've attacked him or something. XD Actually though... do you read spoilers? Because I'm a cheater and I know what's happened to Hitsu already. XD
YUS. ORLY. I adoooore discussing Bleach. If you hadn't noticed. XD If you want to avoid spoilers, though, avoid my last two posts. XD
I AM DYING TO SEE THAT FIGHT TOO! Especially after what we've just found out... *shuts up about the spoilers* Haha sorry. But WHAT? YOU LOVE STARK TOO?? WE MUST'VE BEEN SEPERATED A BIRTH. XDDD *TACKLEGLOMP* <333 Staaark! Guh!
no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 05:51 pm (UTC)From:Yamamoto is the King, Jyuu the Prince and Shun is the Prince's Knight. They are in war against Barragan. But Jyuu's life is threatened suddenly when he was on a walk with Shun. The latter finds out where the archer lives and goes find him. There, Jyuu meets Sakiko (my char, who's also an archer) and recruits her to his army. They find the said archer who attacked them (Ryuuken 8D), but leave him be by Jyuu's request. Later on, both Ryuuken and Uryuu join the army, since their village was right between the two kingdoms and became a battlefield. At some point, Jyuu invades Barragan's castle, only to witness Aizen killing him and stealing the throne XD Gin and one of my friend's character, who worked under Jyuu, end up staying with Aizen, together with a large part of Jyuu's army.
Then there's the usual peasant-prince romance thing XD Yamamoto finds out, tries to kill the girl every now and then, ends up arranging for Jyuu to meet Nanao-chan and they become engaged 8D But she ends up falling in love with Shun XD
Iru is a General of another kingdom along with Grimmjow and Szayel. They only appeared in one scene so we haven't figured out the king yet XD
(WOW that was long, but that's pretty much what we've played so far XD)
And oh yey! plotbunnies! \o/
I don't usually search for spoilers, but I did check this week's! 8D Kubo is a bastard, but I love him for his brilliant mind XD Damn him and all the symbolism! Everything is so inspiring!
And yeeees! Staaaark!! <33 I don't know who I want to win the battle! D8 I love them both so much!
no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 11:49 pm (UTC)From:Oh nooooes, plotbunnies, you mean. :p I don't have TIME for plotbunnies... *pokes them with a stick* they don't care, do they? T_T
Kubo IS a bastard, isn't he? XD I still am half sure what is going on in Bleach at the moment. Or at least what I think is going to happen... What do you think about the Hitsugaya situation? What do you think the death themes mean? What do you think about Stark + Loneliness?? Eep!
Waah! I know! If it came down to it, I guess I'd prefer Shunsui to win. But... I'm going to be really sad if Stark dies. T_T My votes still on Stark changing sides. XD
no subject
Date: 2009-05-06 05:54 pm (UTC)From:Plotbunnies: *No, we don't* 8D *poked*
There's always been too much of a fuss over Shiro-chan. That he's a genius and all. And since he had his little genius ass handed to him by Aizen XD I think it's about time he kick some behind, too.
I'm afraid to think that the death themes are related to the fights D: ESPECIALLY because of Shun-chan DX
OH! I totally support that idea! XD
And I started writing your fic! :D
no subject
Date: 2009-05-07 12:41 am (UTC)From:*glares balefully at plotbunnies* Didn't think so!
I like Hitsugaya, I just don't worship him like a lot of people do. XD I'm fine with him winning, but only if it takes some hard work on his side. ^_~
And ME TOO. T_T And Barragan seems to have literal control with him theme... *gulps* I'm wondering if Stark can screw with emotions, or something. That may bring in his friendship with Jyuu, which would be exciting and squee worthy, but... a friend and I were discussing worst situations that could happen and it's making me nervous. T_T I guess we'll have to see. *clings to Shunsui-kun*
YUS. Right? Its the best idea ever! :D *laughs* I totally found a Stark/Shunsui/Ukitake fic once. It made me happy. XDD
YOU DID?! WOOT! EE! *TACKLES* <3333
no subject
Date: 2009-05-07 01:52 am (UTC)From:Plotbunnies: *gigglesnort* 83
Yah, Hitsu-chan is kyoot and all, I like his zanpaku-to a lot, too. And he's awfully fun to mess with in fics and rps XD
Miiii, Shuuun, Jyuuu! D: *hugs both*
Awww XD They'd totally be friends.
Yepz! :3 I'm almost finishing it, actually ^^ I'll post it in a couple of days, at most. <33
no subject
Date: 2009-05-07 02:27 am (UTC)From:They're evil, I'm telling you! Evil, devious bunnies!
Hehehe, yes, Hitsu is fun to mess with. *snickers* I just get annoyed that he's so... idk, overexposed.
They would totally be friends. :D You know Stark and Shunsui would so be drinking buddies. XD
Really?? You WIN! :D <3333
no subject
Date: 2009-05-07 02:39 am (UTC)From:Plotbunnies: >3
Yah... He's a bit overestimated, I guess. Sure, he's a captain and all at such a young age, but as I said before, he has yet to really WOW everyone. I guess the crazy Hitsu fans build his image a bit too much and that kinda makes the expectations around him grow XD But I do like the little guy, overall :D
YUUUS! And I can totally see them lying down on the grass and watching the clouds together... GAH! I will so draw that sometime. XD
Yepz =) It's been surprisingly easy to write about them. And really fun, too! :D Expect me to ask for more prompts~! <33
no subject
Date: 2009-05-07 10:08 am (UTC)From:Mmhmm. I like Hitsugaya too... just the Hitsugaya of canon. Not fanon. XD I'm interested to see how powerful Kubo is actually going to make him. I'm seen fanfiction where he's, like, the freaking chosen one. Or a reincarnated god. XDD I guess it'll depend on how powerful Halibel is... we still haven't seen that, really. She just now powered up. I have the feeling this fight has only just begun. XD But we'll see. It looks like crazy stuff is going on in Soi Fon's fight too.
This worries me! What's going to happen in Shunsui and Stark's fight?!YES! YOU MUST DRAW THAT! I would love you forever~~~ I was actually just looking back at your entry where you posted your PoT pics. <33 You draw well!
Yay!! I'm glad you enjoyed yourself!! Those two are indeed fun. :DD <3 And anytime, anytime! :) I'll ask for prompts myself in a week or two, when I'm going to have time to write. <3
no subject
Date: 2009-05-08 02:10 am (UTC)From:I'm worried about Soifon-chan, too > : I really like her...
I actually sketched it in faceless stick dummies for a friend and now she is totally forcing me to draw it, too. XD But since I'm too lazy, I'll probably turn them into chibis =P
Awww, thanks! ^^ Those are really old, though, my style might have changed quite a bit since then.
I actually finished the fic and was drawing a small fanservice to go with it XD That's why I didn't post before. Now I'll just beta it =)
no subject
Date: 2009-05-08 10:02 pm (UTC)From:Your RP partner sounds like me! *laughs* I read a lot of Bleach fanfiction! A variety of pairings and characters too. :D You probably shouldn't have told me you'll read recs from her... now I'll try to foist fics on you. XDD Because I love reccing people stuff.
I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT SOI FON TOO. T_T Especially after the scans came out...
Chibis or not, I can't wait to see iiiiit! *beams* And pshhh I doubt it'll have changed so much that you're a BAD ARTIST now. :p But you're welcome.
I SAW IIIIT. <33333333333