satsu: (pedo!Gin)
Title: Inability
Author: [profile] satsu_basu 
Characters: Matsumoto Rangiku, Ichimaru Gin
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Spoilers: Chapter 179 onward.
Disclaimer: All belong to Kubo-sensei.
Word Count: 975
Summary: The growth of Rangiku and Gin's relation.
Note: Gift for my love, [profile] margerydaw_s2 ! Happy B-day, dear!! It'sa mighty sad gift, but it's GinRan, after all XD and GinRan = tragic.
Also, I was listening to Damien Rice's 9 Crimes while writing. I think it sets the perfect mood.

-

Rangiku always wondered what was it about Gin that made him so appealing to her eyes.

Especially since everyone around them had the complete opposite view of the man she loved so dearly.

Yes, she loved him. For a long time, she loved him.

And suffered so much because of it.

Ever since they were little, when he saved her from dying of starvation for a second time, Rangiku had loved him. She owed him her life, her sanity.

Ironic, how it had always felt like those same two aspects of his had never belonged to no one but himself.

When they first started living together, she thought Gin had also saved her from solitude, when in fact he'd only make it worse.

Because his lack of words and that always mysterious grin across his lips were never good enough as answers when she woke up to see that his sandals were nowhere to be seen.

And yet, when he would show up again days later, as if nothing had happened, she'd run to him and cling to his clothes. She'd take comfort in his familiar scent and in the soft pat of his hand on the top of her head.

Rangiku would always make him promise to never leave without saying anything. And her heart would always shiver in those nights when her small body would notice the absence of his warmth beside her.

It only worsened when they entered the Shinigami School and he graduated after a single year. He became more and more involved with the division's affairs and barely had any room in his schedule for her.

But still, from time to time, he'd walk into the house in the morning and greet her with the same grin.

And her heart would still beat faster at the sight of him and she would embrace his slender figure without ever wanting to let go.

In her own time, she rose to the position of Vice-captain and, although she wasn't exactly the working type, she could understand why he wouldn't come to her nearly as often.

But it made the nights they shared together that much special.

Because at night, when their bodies would melt into each other and their shihakushou would lie scattered across the floor, she was free to lose herself inside his scarlet eyes and admire not the usual grin, but a smirk of satisfaction.

Rangiku was convinced that Gin was unable to smile.

He was a master at the ability to grin, but not smile truthfully. Somehow, she felt like he couldn't feel emotions like others, like he didn't know happiness at all.

And it hurt her just a little.

A small stinging in her heart.

She couldn't make him smile.

But she could make him smirk. She could make him groan and writhe in pleasure. Even if only for a few moments in certain nights, she could change him.

And that was enough.

Because he had made all the difference in her life, the fact that she could make even the smallest distinction in his mysterious and unchanging self was more than enough for her.

She envied those who had a healthy and nurturing relation with their loved ones.

But that ability of hers to make the feared and avoided Captain of the Third Division put down his defenses...

She wouldn't trade it for anything.

-

That's why she was so shocked when she charged at him and even though he had more than enough ability to side step or even block her attack, her blade still sunk into his chest.

And he smiled at her...

She had fulfilled her duties as a shinigami, but at the same time, she had broken with her own hands everything that held her as a person.

"Giiiin!!"

-

Rangiku pushed herself up in a jump, panting. She looked around in confusion, beads of cold sweat trickling down her face.

"Ran." A solemn voice sounded, attracting her attention.

She glanced down at the silver-haired man lying next to her in bed, his hand holding tightly to hers as his red eyes stared at her face. There wasn't a grin across his thin lips, but a hint of worry in his overall serious expression.

"Didja have a bad dream?" He sat up slowly, watching as the woman calmed herself down.

"...Yeah." She answered, moving closer to him.

"Dun worry, Ran. I'm here fer ya." Slender fingers patted her head.

"Gin..."

"Hn..?"

"...Don't leave me." Her voice was a dying, pleading whisper.

He looked down at her, now more serious than worried, but his usual grin plastered itself on his lips and drastically changed his expression. "I always come back ta ya, dun I..?"

Rangiku forced a small smile and nodded. "Let's go back to sleep..."

-

That day was still carved into her memories. And she knew it would stay there for a long time.

The feel of his thin wrist between her fingers, the sound of his cordial voice. How she had to keep herself from shaking as she held her zanpaku-to against his slender neck.

But when she suddenly lost that small, subjugating contact over him as the light shone upon his figure, her world collapsed for a split second, because Rangiku knew inside herself even before Yamamoto So-taichou had explained...

He was unreachable.

Maybe it's what he's always been.

And that realization broke her heart in ways she didn't know it could be broken.

But his apology was still repeating itself inside her head, together with the flashing image of his small, sad smile.

She was wrong.

And as she sat still in her office, glancing up at the clouds and wondering where exactly he was, Rangiku remembered...

That no matter how long it took, he'd always come back to her.

A small sigh escaped her lips.

"...What an idiot."
 
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