satsu: (pedo!Gin)
Title: Inability
Author: [profile] satsu_basu 
Characters: Matsumoto Rangiku, Ichimaru Gin
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Spoilers: Chapter 179 onward.
Disclaimer: All belong to Kubo-sensei.
Word Count: 975
Summary: The growth of Rangiku and Gin's relation.
Note: Gift for my love, [profile] margerydaw_s2 ! Happy B-day, dear!! It'sa mighty sad gift, but it's GinRan, after all XD and GinRan = tragic.
Also, I was listening to Damien Rice's 9 Crimes while writing. I think it sets the perfect mood.

-

Rangiku always wondered what was it about Gin that made him so appealing to her eyes.

Especially since everyone around them had the complete opposite view of the man she loved so dearly.

Yes, she loved him. For a long time, she loved him.

And suffered so much because of it.

Ever since they were little, when he saved her from dying of starvation for a second time, Rangiku had loved him. She owed him her life, her sanity.

Ironic, how it had always felt like those same two aspects of his had never belonged to no one but himself.

When they first started living together, she thought Gin had also saved her from solitude, when in fact he'd only make it worse.

Because his lack of words and that always mysterious grin across his lips were never good enough as answers when she woke up to see that his sandals were nowhere to be seen.

And yet, when he would show up again days later, as if nothing had happened, she'd run to him and cling to his clothes. She'd take comfort in his familiar scent and in the soft pat of his hand on the top of her head.

Rangiku would always make him promise to never leave without saying anything. And her heart would always shiver in those nights when her small body would notice the absence of his warmth beside her.

It only worsened when they entered the Shinigami School and he graduated after a single year. He became more and more involved with the division's affairs and barely had any room in his schedule for her.

But still, from time to time, he'd walk into the house in the morning and greet her with the same grin.

And her heart would still beat faster at the sight of him and she would embrace his slender figure without ever wanting to let go.

In her own time, she rose to the position of Vice-captain and, although she wasn't exactly the working type, she could understand why he wouldn't come to her nearly as often.

But it made the nights they shared together that much special.

Because at night, when their bodies would melt into each other and their shihakushou would lie scattered across the floor, she was free to lose herself inside his scarlet eyes and admire not the usual grin, but a smirk of satisfaction.

Rangiku was convinced that Gin was unable to smile.

He was a master at the ability to grin, but not smile truthfully. Somehow, she felt like he couldn't feel emotions like others, like he didn't know happiness at all.

And it hurt her just a little.

A small stinging in her heart.

She couldn't make him smile.

But she could make him smirk. She could make him groan and writhe in pleasure. Even if only for a few moments in certain nights, she could change him.

And that was enough.

Because he had made all the difference in her life, the fact that she could make even the smallest distinction in his mysterious and unchanging self was more than enough for her.

She envied those who had a healthy and nurturing relation with their loved ones.

But that ability of hers to make the feared and avoided Captain of the Third Division put down his defenses...

She wouldn't trade it for anything.

-

That's why she was so shocked when she charged at him and even though he had more than enough ability to side step or even block her attack, her blade still sunk into his chest.

And he smiled at her...

She had fulfilled her duties as a shinigami, but at the same time, she had broken with her own hands everything that held her as a person.

"Giiiin!!"

-

Rangiku pushed herself up in a jump, panting. She looked around in confusion, beads of cold sweat trickling down her face.

"Ran." A solemn voice sounded, attracting her attention.

She glanced down at the silver-haired man lying next to her in bed, his hand holding tightly to hers as his red eyes stared at her face. There wasn't a grin across his thin lips, but a hint of worry in his overall serious expression.

"Didja have a bad dream?" He sat up slowly, watching as the woman calmed herself down.

"...Yeah." She answered, moving closer to him.

"Dun worry, Ran. I'm here fer ya." Slender fingers patted her head.

"Gin..."

"Hn..?"

"...Don't leave me." Her voice was a dying, pleading whisper.

He looked down at her, now more serious than worried, but his usual grin plastered itself on his lips and drastically changed his expression. "I always come back ta ya, dun I..?"

Rangiku forced a small smile and nodded. "Let's go back to sleep..."

-

That day was still carved into her memories. And she knew it would stay there for a long time.

The feel of his thin wrist between her fingers, the sound of his cordial voice. How she had to keep herself from shaking as she held her zanpaku-to against his slender neck.

But when she suddenly lost that small, subjugating contact over him as the light shone upon his figure, her world collapsed for a split second, because Rangiku knew inside herself even before Yamamoto So-taichou had explained...

He was unreachable.

Maybe it's what he's always been.

And that realization broke her heart in ways she didn't know it could be broken.

But his apology was still repeating itself inside her head, together with the flashing image of his small, sad smile.

She was wrong.

And as she sat still in her office, glancing up at the clouds and wondering where exactly he was, Rangiku remembered...

That no matter how long it took, he'd always come back to her.

A small sigh escaped her lips.

"...What an idiot."
 

Date: 2009-05-12 06:40 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] margerydaw-s2.livejournal.com
AFASGAFSGFAGSFGSHAGSAF*SQUEALFANFAP*

GIIIIIIINNIE ;3; U HAVE TOOOO COME BACK TA RAN-CHAAAAAAN D: RAN-CHAN NEEDS HER DYSFUNCTIONAL LOVER BAAACK.

*Ginnie*

Date: 2009-05-12 06:41 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] satsu-basu.livejournal.com
*scratches head* ...Maybe sumday. *grins*

*Keera*

Date: 2009-05-12 06:57 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] margerydaw-s2.livejournal.com
T-taichou D:

Date: 2009-05-12 09:46 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] wintaerland.livejournal.com
alkdjfvnopqieurvnqoipeurv;alkdjalkdjfvnl;kqjenrpqvoieurvn;akdjfv

Dysfunctional lover indeed! (ok, that kinda sends the wrong image, but still)

This was really good. Really, really good. Really really really good.

*has been reduced back to blubbering, will try to tell you why she thought it was so good when mind has returned to coherence*

Date: 2009-05-12 02:46 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] satsu-basu.livejournal.com
XD

Thank yoooou! ^^ I'm very glad to know you think so!

*pats* Oh, please, take your time. XD

Date: 2009-05-12 09:01 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] ravens-rising.livejournal.com
EEEE. ANGST IS YOUR FRIEND!
Oh, this was perfect GinRan. <33 GUH. YES.

Date: 2009-05-12 09:14 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] satsu-basu.livejournal.com
*totally wants a shirt with that written on XD* \o/ YUUUS!

Thank you, dear~! <33

GinRan = Tragic Love. ALWAYS.

Date: 2009-05-12 09:39 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] ravens-rising.livejournal.com
... ME TOO. That's a great idea! XDD

<33

True, it totally is! *nodnod* That's why it's beautifuuul~

Date: 2009-05-13 02:41 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] satsu-basu.livejournal.com
Isn't it?? XDD I used to paint shirts for me... Now I totally want to make one like that. *laughs*

I goooot the fic!!! \o/ and... OMG.
Woman... I LOVE your writing style. So beautifully discriptive... And I just wanted to hug Shun and Jyuu and tell them everything is going to be okay D: *cries* <333333

Date: 2009-05-13 02:55 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] ravens-rising.livejournal.com
Now I want to make a shirt too! We could maaatch! XD

...zomg, really? *GLOMPS* <33 Thanks so much!!! I'm so glad you liked it!! That means so much to me! <333 They definitely need hugs in that fic, don't they? ^_^;; emo!Jyuu and Shun, as I said. *huggles them*

Date: 2009-05-13 03:15 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] satsu-basu.livejournal.com
*laughs* That'd be awesome! XD

Yah, RLY! D: *glomps back* I could feel their emotions... Gaaah, my heart was beating so tightly! I need a Jyuun plushie for times like this! D: *calls friend and orders a Shun, too XD*
<333

Date: 2009-05-13 10:31 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] ravens-rising.livejournal.com
*snerks* There's probably many a fanfic writer who would join in.

YAY! :D I'm glad the emotions came through so well! *beams* And d'aww, yes, a Jyuu plushy! *cuddles* Heehee. XD <3
It's your payback for sending me that fic where Jyuu dies! :P

Date: 2009-05-13 12:13 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] satsu-basu.livejournal.com
Yah, they did. *sniffles* Sooo prettyful~!

D: ... XD I guess I deserved that. *laughs*

Date: 2009-05-13 07:48 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] ravens-rising.livejournal.com
<333 Thank yooou~
Does the fact that you liked it also mean that it at least kind of made sense? XD

Hahaha yes you did! :P I totally enjoyed it though! Remember, angst is your friend! XD

Date: 2009-05-14 01:31 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] satsu-basu.livejournal.com
Yah! :D It did! You should totally write moooooar! 8D

Always~! <3 XD

Date: 2009-05-14 01:43 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] ravens-rising.livejournal.com
Haha, okay good. That's what I was most worried about. ^_^;; And write more in general, or more in this 'verse? XD

Speaking of writing more... *pokes* How's YOUR writing going, dear?

<333

Date: 2009-05-14 01:47 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] satsu-basu.livejournal.com
Well... BOTH 8D
But I'm very interested in this piece you sent me =) Make sure to send me if you write more on it~! <3

Oh, it's kinda messy... XD I'm almost finished with the ShunNanao and I began scribbling a few bits on the ShinjiKisuke one and was going back and forth with them until my mom stol'd my laptop D: Just because it's smaller than hers and easier to carry XD
I'll have it back by tomorrow and then I'll continue writing. =)

Date: 2009-05-14 02:01 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] ravens-rising.livejournal.com
:DD AWESOME. I kinda want to someday write more in that 'verse... I just have to decide which of two ways I want to take it. *laughs* But I'll be sure to send you some if I doo~~

I totally want to see the ShunNanao when you finish it, even if you just email it to me. :D *loves on them* And yay you've started the Shinji and Kisuke one. *beams* Grr at your mom for stealing your laptop. Hmpf. XD

You're making me feel guiltly for not doing more for my prompts. *laughs* I'll write some tonight! *determined*

Date: 2009-05-14 03:07 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] satsu-basu.livejournal.com
YEY~! <33

Oh, it's very angsty xD She requested so. The prompt word is "failure".
Yepz. =D I decided to go all srs bsns on that one XD Donnow, something about Shinji and Kisuke being srs is very sexy appealing to me 8D

*laughs* Don't be XD I don't have to worry about college and stuff up until August, so I can fully dedicate myself to my hobbies 8D.
But YEY for you writing more! =D

Date: 2009-05-14 11:45 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] ravens-rising.livejournal.com
<33

Ooooh angsty ShunNanao, even better! XD
It's because they ARE sexy! *laughs* It's because Urahara is so rarely serious. XD Plus, the entire Turn Back the Pendulum was SEX. So. Um. Yeah. XD Yum~

Haha, well, all the better for us who enjoy your writing! :D <3

Date: 2009-05-15 08:19 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] satsu-basu.livejournal.com
I'm having a bit of trouble with it... Donnow .__. Guess I got stuck. So I'll be writing the other ones first.

Yah! XD TBTP = SMEX <333

*nudges* Go request another fic from me on my Meme post =D Or even give me a prompt on the ShunJyuuStark one. \o/

Date: 2009-05-14 12:23 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] manonlechat.livejournal.com
I squealed when I saw a new Gin/Ran comm post on my f-list!

Lovely lovely angst. Oh, thank you. I especially like the subtle distinctions you drew between Gin's grins, smirks, and the final bittersweet smile. Thank you, thank you! :)

Date: 2009-05-14 01:28 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] satsu-basu.livejournal.com
GinRan = <33!!

Thank yooou~! I'm so glad you liked it! :D
It's such a joy to write about Gin... I'll certainly post more fics with them in the near future!

Date: 2009-05-14 01:35 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] manonlechat.livejournal.com
Hey, do you mind if I post the link to this in the GinRan thread at Bleach Asylum?

Date: 2009-05-14 01:41 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] satsu-basu.livejournal.com
Of course not. :) Feel free to! ^^

btw, I totally LOL'd at your icon XD

Date: 2009-05-14 12:50 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] aleen-chan.livejournal.com
;A; omG! this is seriously so sad and true! well at least in my opinion XD hahaha god! gin go back to rangiku! ;A; T^T such a tragic love ;3; you did a beautiful job! :D

Date: 2009-05-14 01:30 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] satsu-basu.livejournal.com
Aww, thanks! =)
GinRan is so beautifully sad~! I loved writing about them! I'll be sure to write more in the future.

Date: 2009-05-14 01:31 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] aleen-chan.livejournal.com
your very welcome! : D
yes they are!~ <3 yay! can't wait to read more then :3 X3

Date: 2009-05-14 04:17 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] ana-leez.livejournal.com
THIS IS SO AMAZING!

Beautifully written. I love the angst 8D <333

Date: 2009-05-14 03:13 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] satsu-basu.livejournal.com
THANK YOU! <333

Angst is win 8D I'm glad you liked it! ^^

btw, your icon. is. adorable~! *squishes*

Date: 2009-05-15 12:08 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] ana-leez.livejournal.com
Hehehe, thanks 8D

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